After watching Jason Chaffetz destroy and dismantle Brian Wonnancott in a debate for Utah’s 3rd Congressional seat, I decided then and there – or a few days after; who’s counting? – to throw my hat in the ring to make this race a little more competitive. If the Democrats aren’t going to try, let’s have an Independent run for the seat!*
First, I would spread awareness on social media. I posted it on Facebook and sent my message out on Twitter. Probably good enough to come in second, right?
I decided that in order for me not to be influenced by outside money, unlike my opponents, I would run this campaign for free.
First item of business is the campaign sign. I recommend everyone do this. After all, it’s not just my campaign. It’s yours. I am you.
I had a couple old campaign signs lying around (Jason Chaffetz 2010, Dan Liljenquist 2012), so I took the white side of some gift wrap paper and taped in to the signs. A little magic marker and voila! Campaign signs. I practiced recycling and I don’t owe any money to Big Signmaking.
Make your own “Write In John English” campaign sign and send me a pic. I’ll retweet it. I have over 900 followers on Twitter, so in the words of one Ronald Burgundy, I’m kind of a big deal.
Next, I need to answer the question “Why am I running?”
I am running to come in second. Jason Chaffetz (R) is going to win in a giant, thunderous landslide. I’ve never met him, so I’m going to assume Brian Wonnacott (D) is the nicest guy in the world. I also think he has a 100,000 to 1 chance of winning. So I’m putting my chances at 99,997 to 1.
Now, a little about me. I have a wife and kids, and I am the second-nicest guy in the world (assuming I’m right about Wonnacott; I hope he doesn’t shatter my image of him). I’m also a big Utah Jazz fan. That’s good enough, right?
Next, what if I win? I should have a platform. I’ll put out a few items to whet your appetite.
U.S. Senate – 3 terms of 6 years.
U.S. Congresspeople – 10 terms of 2 years.
U.S. Supreme Court – 1 term of 20 years.
I know it would be an uphill battle to pass term limits, and maybe some of these terms still look like too much, but I think we’d have to allow this much for it to have any chance of passing. Also, my bill would have something in there that it wouldn’t count for people currently in Congress. I’m pragmatic.
I’d sponsor a bill that says every pay-raise that Senators and Congressfolk give themselves has to have a minimum wage increase tied to it.
THAT ONE ISSUE
You know that one issue you disagree with Jason Chaffetz about? Well, my stand on the issue is closer to yours than his. We’re in this together.
Okay, that’s probably good for now. The election isn’t for a whole other week. We have plenty of time to get to know each other.
*If I’m elected, I’m a Republican. If I’m not… Still a Republican.