It’s Now Safe For Gay Marriage Activists To Come Out Of The Closet

rainbow flagBack in 2006, I came across an article by Stanley Kurtz titled, “Zombie Killers”.

In it, Kurtz uses statements from cutting edge social scientists and gay marriage activists and shows how they were saying the same thing about the effect of gay marriage on traditional marriage that its defenders were saying and had been doing so for years. Phrases like,“the queering of the social calls into question the normativity and naturalness of both heterosexuality and heterorelationality” are just academic speech for “gay marriage undermines marriage”.

It was a fantastic way of pulling the curtain back on the underlying goal of these marriage activists. This was about changing marriage, subverting it, even. To wit,

Strip away the jargon, drop the element of celebration, and it turns out that conservative opponents of same-sex marriage and some of Europe’s most influential sociologists are saying much the same thing: same-sex marriage doesn’t reinforce marriage; instead, it upends marriage.

This was fascinating to me and would be, I assumed, to many other people.

So I shared it, bringing it up in the many conversations I had on the topic over the proceeding handful of years. It was, of course, summarily dismissed by those whose minds were already made up. What seemed like an incredibly important context to gay marriage was ignored because it didn’t fit the established narrative. It hurt the cause.

But now, over the last year or so “the cause” has become seen as inevitable. Court cases have been won, public opinion seems to have flipped, and suddenly it’s become okay to be honest again.

Last June, giddy in anticipation of the Supreme Court striking down the Defense of Marriage Act, Steven Thrasher wrote an article for Gawker titled, “The Truth About Gay Marriage”. With the cause so close to being won, he was finally free to tell the world what he had kept hidden for so long: gay marriage isn’t like marriage as traditionally understood.

He cited an ongoing University study, the largest and longest of its kind, which shows that a majority of gay couples not only have sex outside of marriage, but do so with their partner’s knowledge and even consent. He wrote of how the courtship stories shared in public are about love and commitment, but that once you dig just a tiny bit past the PR campaign you find these relationships have their genesis in “sex-and-drug-filled circuit parties,” one night stand hookups, and something called “geographic monogamy.”

These stories, of course, wouldn’t do much for changing public opinion and furthering the cause, so they aren’t shared. But to hear Thrasher describe it, promiscuity and so-called open relationships are a feature, not a bug, of gay relationships:

Where straight unions idealize fidelity, gay men’s version of a lifelong commitment doesn’t necessarily include forsaking all others.

Thrasher is not alone in his analysis of gay marriage.

More recently in The Daily Beast another gay writer, comfortable that the cause has been won, also expounds on the radicalness of gay unions. He, too, cites the San Francisco State University study showing half of gay unions aren’t monogamous, but then adds that within the gay community the feeling is that “it’s more like three-quarters.”

According to The Daily Beast, it’s widely known among homosexuals that gay marriage isn’t like traditional marriage. They’ve just kept it a well hidden secret because it could harm the cause. Says the author:

But it’s been fascinating to see how my straight friends react to it. Some feel they’ve been duped: they were fighting for marriage equality, not marriage redefinition.

Hmm, hasn’t “redefinition of marriage” been the conservative argument? It appears it’s the gay activist argument as well and always has been. Only now instead of hiding the goal, gay activists are celebrating it. The battle won, it’s safe to come out and reveal the true purpose.

The queering of the social calls into question the normativity and naturalness of both heterosexuality and heterorelationality really is just another way of saying gay marriage undermines marriage.

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