Midday Commentary on Last Night’s News — Aug. 5, 2015

Oooooooooh, baby.

The LDS Church released a boatload of documents, including photos of what founder Joseph Smith called the seer stone. The more I thought about it, the more this is simply mind-blowing. A picture of a religious artifact claimed to have been powered by God to aid in translation and/or revelation. The only thing that would have shocked me more would have been a picture of the gold plates themselves.

First and foremost, a quick take on how our two friendly neighborhood papers covered the event. The Trib boulderwent right for the seer stone coverage. What I found disappointing was the lack of coverage of the stone itself. Surely a geologist or someone with an affinity for all things hard and made of rocky-like substances could have given us a little insight. What’s that you say? The experts at reddit have weighed in? Awesome. The comments are fun to read through, and fairly insightful. Like the Trib’s comments, minus the insightful part.

And now for the Dnews take. No mention of the stone until the sixth paragraph. The sixth graph! That’s long enough to put even the most ardent newspaper reader to sleep. (Let’s not wake up Gehrke, poor guy looks like he needs the rest.) In fact, we get a whole list of who was attending before we even hear about what is arguably the most interesting aspect of the entire event. Think I’m kidding? Feast your eyes!

“Participating from the LDS Church were Elder Steven E. Snow, church historian, recorder and member of the First Quorum of the Seventy; and Richard E. Turley Jr., assistant church historian and recorder. Representing the Community of Christ, which owns the printer’s manuscript of the Book of Mormon, were President Robin Linkhart, a member of the presidency of the Seventy; and Lachlan Mackay, Nauvoo historical sites coordinator.”

And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehujael: and Mehujael begat Methusael: and Methusael begat Lamech.

As told by Fox 13 yesterday, Overstock head Jonathan Johnson is challenging Gov. Gary Herbert. I mean, it’s not like we didn’t all know it anyway, and Johnson even calls it the worst kept secret in the state. (Which isn’t shockedentirely true, the worst kept being that our LG and his cousin Jon are building blanket forts in their uncle’s basement.)

The aforementioned Gehrke followed up today with what I assume most have been the mother of all eye rolls at a hyperventilating editor who was angry about getting “beat” on a new story that is only news in the same way that it’s news that local media can’t figure out why no one wants to read/watch them anymore.

• Looks like the prison relocation commission has finally tired of dorking around and will most likely announce the location of the new prison early next week. (Spoiler alert: Bruce Willis was dead the whole time. Also, it’s going to be Salt Lake City.)

• In what has to be the mother of all trolls on Republicans in an election year, President Obama is planning on allowing prisoners to have access to Pell Grants to further their education. It used to be the case, but was rescinded in 1994, back when Congress hated people and did everything they could to incarcerate the entire population of the country. Ha-ha just kidding, Congress is still trying to do that. Anyway, the president really is going to need Congress to get this done. I mean, theoretically. It’s not like he hasn’t bent the rules before. And it’s not like those diaper-wearing babies slathered in tanning lotion, teeth whitener and Fox News bumper stickers have the wherewithal to do anything about it.

And if none of that interests you, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Lexus hoverboard is real. It’s real. It’s real.


 

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