Rednecks and Blue Checks

“So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts.
What’s so amazing about really deep thoughts?”

— Tori Amos, from the song “Silent All These Years”.

by Harry Caines

You can learn much by asking the same question about a story in the news to a Ph.D sipping a soy milk latte at 10 AM, and then subsequently a truck driver guzzling a Bud Light at 6 PM. A diversity of opinions from different demographics does it for me.

This is what I would do often during the 15 years I lived in Cache Valley, Utah. My education was not just in the classrooms of Utah State University, but also in the local cafe and dive bar.

I have been out of Utah for nearly two years. I have not kept up with hardly anyone in Logan proper. It seems my exit from town was heralded as a moment for celebration. The silence between me and my former friends is unfortunate. I would like to know what many of my old acquaintances think of the world we destroyed over Covid-19.

I assume most of the less educated folks I knew felt everything done to battle Covid was unnecessary. The more bookish types are most likely still hiding in their basements, triple masked and kneeling at the St. Anthony of Fauci shrine they built a year ago.

Fauci’s cult of personality amongst intellectual leftists was cultivated and constructed by a fawning media. Too many of these quasi-journalists had hoped for an event matching the magnitude of Pearl Harbor, Watergate, or 9/11 so they can dream of writing their memoir and be idolatrized by JComm students 30 years hence. Covid became their “I was there” moment.

For most of the media flunkies, their bulletin board of blurbs is posted on Twitter. They must have fantasies of an Oscar-nominated documentary in the year 2075 that examines their Tweets to know what happened during that horrific time when a peculiar virus killed off 0.02% of the world’s population.

These egotistical pillars of American journalism are easy to find on Twitter. Their pages are identified with a blue checkmark. The checkmark is to ensure that Twitter has verified the account as belonging to the poster.

Any writer claiming to be a journalist that posts for an obscure webpage that copy-pastes left-wing tripe can apply for a blue checkmark and have high confidence of being verified. It is not as arduous a process as being in the Order of the Garter. It barely requires more work than being a Sam’s Club member.

Yet, every activist-journalist—and they love that hyphenated word—thinks of being granted their blue checkmark as the day their Gender Studies degree from some overpriced liberal arts school pays for itself. It is as seminal a moment as losing their virginity, but with less crying.

These people are referred to as “blue checks”. It is the metaphorical knighthood for social networking dweebs.

And it was these Blue Checks (proper noun to elevate their stature even more) that posted tweet after tweet during the early days of Covid informing the world of what WHO, the NIH, the NSF, Neil Ferguson, Anthony Fauci, et al thought was important to know. Blue Checks brought the wisdom of the experts to us simple people so we can do our part to prevent millions of dead bodies from being strewn across the streets of America.

Social distancing. Lockdowns. Masks. Canceled schools. Canceled holidays. No exercise. No weddings or events. Sit in your house and read what the Blue Checks, the oracles of your new gods, say and obey!

What about the dissenters to the edicts of our unquestioned overlords? Those who think maintaining civil liberties is not a selfish act that will kill Granny, but an inherent right of Americans that should be protected at all costs must be silenced. Blue Checks made that their soldier’s duty

Sunlight, vitamin D, and building herd immunity through contact with others was the golem that only the disparaging tweets of the Blue Checks could slay.

Blue Checks are superheroes. We need them to protect us from the pure evil that has a name we shiver to say out loud.

Misinformation. (Insert ominous music here)

The Blue Checks scoured the Internet to ensure MISINFORMATION would not threaten our precious, innocent children. The weapons they used to counter the “M Word”: Debunked.

Ah yes, to that rogue scientist who published a paper stating Covid may only be dangerous to the elderly, the obese, and those with respiratory illnesses…WE DEBUNK YOU!

And Fox News viewers? Those ignorant Trump-loving morons that refuse to cancel Christmas dinner and wear masks when by yourself in a car? What do we say to your simplistic idea that Covid was nothing more than a flu bug? YOU ARE CAST INTO THE ABYSS OF DEBUNKED!


Nearly everything that these rural folks, generally referred to as rednecks, read and regurgitated was right. They did not have faith in Anthony Fauci. They looked at governors like Ron De Santis of Florida, Kristi Noem of North Dakota, and, later on, Greg Abbott of Texas, and they saw success without hysteria.

Every time a governor rationally decided to keep things open, the Blue Check Mafia sent out a swarm of tweets proclaiming that apocalyptic death was going to plague these states. “Wait two weeks!” went from a prophecy to a punchline. We waited. Everything was fine. The governors that opened up their states and told people to take off the masks so they could live their lives fearlessly were right.

The Blue Checks were inconsolable. How dare any of you bumpkins disagree with someone that went to a college with a yearly tuition of $50,000+! Don’t you see the blue checkmark? In the Big Tech caste system, blue checkmarks get to boss around rednecks…and their governors.

In the mind of Blue Checks, it is an inconceivable concept that those who dispute their omniscience might have read the same data and came to a different conclusion. Nyet! Obviously, Vladimir Putin has brainwashed them. They are Mother Russia’s useful idiots.

But every dire prediction by an alleged expert, repeated ad hoc by a Blue Check, never came to fruition. It was not foreign agents who destroyed these morose narratives. The enemy was within. The so-called experts were the peddlers of misinformation.

And the tweets Blue Checks thought would be studied in the lecture halls of colleges a century from now for their sage eloquence stand only as a testament to their massive errors. Every hyperbolic warning made by journalists, scientists, and elected politicians since March of 2020 has been woefully wrong. And most have been screenshotted to prevent them from being erased from history. These tweets will be read one hundred years from now, but to be mocked by future generations who look back on us as the biggest failures America ever produced.

Oh! Cruel Irony!

The rednecks, dissenters, contrarians, civil libertarians, counter-intellectuals, and Belarusian dictator Alexander Lukashenko were right. We should not have locked down. Masks were virtue signaling. Appointed health officials were political partisans. Elected pols became power-hungry potentates who erroneously thought only they could save us all. And the virus came from a lab, not bats.

Alas, poor Blue Checks. Where be ye mean tweets now?

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