State of the Union Stream of Consciousness

For President Barack Obama’s seventh State of the Union speech, I will just write what comes to mind as I watch it.

8:06pm – “MISTER SPEAKERRRRRRRRRR! The President of the United States!”

8:10pm – Not bad. Only took four minutes to get to the podium with the applause and the hand-shaking and the whatnot. And then Boehner says his name and we get another 30 seconds of a standing O.

8:11pm – Have there been a million jokes told that Boehner’s darker than Obama tonight?

8:13pm – If they applaud after every sentence, this is going to be a loooong speech.

8:14pm – “The State of the Union is strong” feels like a line that gets in there every year.

8:16pm – “I want to focus less on a checklist of proposals, and focus more on the values at stake in the choices before us.” Translation: Why be specific? Let’s have all the feels with anecdotes!

8:19pm – Whoa, THAT’s our energy secretary? He looks like he should be in a lab coat telling the screaming folks at Jurassic World that “this is what happens when you play God!”

8:25pm – Obama’s going to cut taxes. The GOP has won.

8:26pm – Universal child-care. Where the guv’ment can indoctrinate your kids early to only vote Democrat. I see what you’re doing, Mr. President.

8:29pm – Obama plugs raising minimum wage. And hey, there’s our Labor Secretary. Looks like a mob accountant.

8:34pm – Free community college? Can someone get their bachelors degree for free?

8:36pm – Democrats with a look of shocked delight when Obama says “infrastructure.”

8:38pm – “Precision Medicine Initiative” is one thing I’m keen on hearing more about.

8:40pm – “In two months, to prepare us for those missions, Scott Kelly will begin a year-long stay in space. Good luck, Captain — and make sure to Instagram it.” How much did Instagram donate to Obama’s 2012 campaign?!

8:42pm – Orrin Hatch looks like he’s a 50-year-old actor wearing old-age make-up for the final “30 years later” scene of the movie.

8:43pm – “When we make rash decisions, reacting to the headlines instead of using our heads; when the first response to a challenge is to send in our military — then we risk getting drawn into unnecessary conflicts, and neglect the broader strategy we need for a safer, more prosperous world. That’s what our enemies want us to do.” Chuck Hagel is BITING HIS TONGUE!

8:46pm – Huh. Obama just took credit for taking down Russia. Interesting.

8:48pm – “In Cuba–” CNN has reaction shot of Rubio not standing up. “We should end the embargo against Cuba. Pope Francis said so.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

8:50pm – Obama will veto any attempt to apply new sanctions to Iran.

8:51pm – Hackers are going after our kids. That’s why I want to make it easier for the NSA to spy on you while claiming we’re protecting your privacy.

8:53pm – “The Pentagon says that climate change poses immediate risks to our national security. We should act like it.”

8:57pm – “As Americans, we have a profound commitment to justice.” Which is why we crush whistleblowers.

8:59pm – Obama speaking of bedrock values. I can already hear the liberal talking heads writing their “Best SOTU ever!” columns. I’m guessing Gloria Bolger uses the word “amazing” as she talks about this speech at the after-party. Van Jones will call it “transformative.” Just guessing.

9:01pm – Obama praises the acceptance of gay marriage, something he was against less than three years ago.

9:02pm – Obama now appealing to Congress to work together. “A better politics is one where we debate without demonizing each other; where we talk issues, and values, and principles, and facts, rather than “gotcha” moments, or trivial gaffes, or fake controversies that have nothing to do with people’s daily lives.” That sounds you hear is my deeeep cynicism sinking in. I thought I was being cynical before now, but I was mistaken.

9:06pm – Crime rate and incarceration rates are down.

9:07pm – “I have no more campaigns to run.” Half the room does a spit-take. Seriously.

9:10pm – It ends with predictable soaring rhetoric – “A brighter future is ours to write!” – and then it’s over. Whew!

And Wolf Blitzer claims that if Obama had given THIS SPEECH leading up to the midterm elections, the Democrats wouldn’t have lost as many seats. Jake Tapper’s “wow” was priceless. Ah, the romance of one speech’s ability to change the world.

Oh, here comes Jodi Ernst’s response. Hopefully she doesn’t do something insane, like drink some water…

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