Donald Trump surprise speaker at LDS General Conference

DIETER F. UCHTDORF – The next speaker at this Conference will be Donald J. Trump of the US Presidency. Following his remarks, the Choir will sing “Master, the Tempest Is Raging.” Brother Trump… DONALD J. TRUMP – Thank you. It’s a terrific honor to be here, and I’ve got to tell you, this Conference Center is just fantastic. These beautiful flowers and people coming up to me and say “President Trump, thank you so much” and “President Trump, we love you,” it’s just been amazing. It’s a great, great pleasure…

BREAKING: Dieter F Uchtdorf to run for US Senate in 2016

News out of Salt Lake today confirms that Deiter F Uchtdorf will announce a run for the US Senate in 2016 during this weekend’s General Conference of the LDS Church. “There is a great opportunity to steer this great plane of America into the future,” Uchtdorf said. “Quiet conversations with Utah legislators have assured me that I have 100% of their support..” It is widely expected that he will get most of the support he needs after he asks for it from the pulpit in Saturday morning’s General Conference session. Pollsters…

Obama Promises No Federal Designations for Utah

During President Obama’s visit to Utah today he announced, with Utah Governor Herbert by his side, that there would be no more federal land designations in Utah during his final years in Washington. This came as quite a surprise to those present, but President Obama, who was sporting a new look, seemed at peace with his declaration.  The reporter from the Salt Lake Tribune looked puzzled and pale when he asked, “Mr. President why won’t you designate the Greater Canyonlands, Cedar Mesa, and the 3/4 of the state we…. I…

BREAKING: LDS Church To Create Wards For Liberals

According to sources speaking on condition of anonymity, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints will announce at this weekend’s General Conference the creation of separate wards for members who consider themselves more liberal that the mainstream Church. Presumably, this change will take effect immediately.  The wards will be structured much like current Young Single and Mid-Single Adult wards now in existence. Records for individual church members will be transferred into the new wards at the members’ request. In creating separate wards, the number of fights in Sunday School are…